


Syng

by waitineedaname



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Canon Compliant, Fix-It, M/M, Panic Attacks, References to internalized Homophobia, SKAM Fic Week, SkamFicWeek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 13:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11830191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitineedaname/pseuds/waitineedaname
Summary: It was supposed to be a good night. He'd go out with his boyfriend and their friends, have a couple beers, sing a little karaoke. It wasn't supposed to end up like this.





	Syng

**Author's Note:**

> Skam Fic Week day four! Extend a canon scene
> 
> Idk about you guys but I'm perpetually bitter that we never got to really hear from Even what had happened, so this is what I've pulled together from the few things we've heard
> 
> Also, this is tagged with panic attacks because I've always thought that Even's reaction to the guys looked a lot like when I'm on the brink of a panic attack and I'm trying to hold it in, so I feel like that night was kind of a prolonged "let's see how well I can hold in the panic attack"

It shouldn’t have happened like this. It shouldn’t have happened at _all._

Even had thought the guys were better off without him, especially after everything that had happened - after everything he’d done. Cutting off contact would be good for them, and finishing school at Nissen would be a fresh start for him.

It had worked so far. Eventually, they stopped texting him, and he’d deleted his social media so he never saw them on his feed. He avoided parties he knew they might appear at, and Sana was respectful enough to never bring it up.

It wasn’t really a fresh start; he couldn’t escape the gossip that followed him from Bakka. He knew how to turn a blind eye to it, and ignore the stares, the whispers. It hurt, but he could take it. He made a few friends who didn’t pay attention to the rumors, and he had Isak. 

Oh, Isak. Isak with his quick wit and snarky attitude. Isak with his kind heart and patient nature. Isak with his loyal friends that adopted Even like he was family. Isak, who Even loved unconditionally and - somehow - loved him back just as much. Isak who he woke up next to every morning and made Even thank the universe over and over for.

Isak should never have been involved.

“Do you want to get some air?” Isak asked him as they stepped off the karaoke stage. Having him at his side had brought him down to earth - out of the rising tide of panic brought on by the sight of his old friends - but he was still a little shaky. Isak was right; some fresh air would do him good. He nodded and Isak took his hand, grounding him further. He told the guys not to worry about following them out, finish their beers, and then he was gently leading Even through the crowd and out the doors.

The cool springtime air felt good on Even’s face and he let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Isak led him down to the benches and looked at him with those concerned eyes of his. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t get the chance before someone else spoke.

“Even?” They both looked up and Even’s throat closed. Jogging over was none other than Mikael. Out of all of them, seeing him was the hardest. His kind brown eyes were fraught with worry and it pained Even to know that was because of him. “Even- Ya Allah, we’ve been trying to get ahold of you for ages!” 

Even couldn’t answer. He didn’t know how to. Panic was building in his gut. It was hard to breathe.

“Are you okay?” Mikael started to reach to touch Even’s arm when suddenly there was someone else shoving himself between them.

“Leave him the fuck alone!” Isak shoved Mikael, who stumbled back a couple steps.

“I’m just trying to talk to him!”

“You’re getting in his face!” In some moments of weakness, he’d wondered what it would be like if his old best friend met his boyfriend. He hadn’t wanted to happen like this, with neither of them knowing the full story and tempers flaming. Isak pushed Mikael again, firm in the center of his chest, and Mikael fell backwards. “Just get the fuck away!”

“Hey!”

It was all happening in slow motion. He saw Mikael fall on his ass, unable to stop it from happening. He heard Elias’s voice from the Syng doorway and suddenly he was there, between Mikael and Isak, and Even couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything to keep them apart, and Elias’s fist connected with Isak’s face.

And then everything sped up. Even finally managed to unfreeze and bolt forward, catching Isak before he fell to the ground. He heard yelling, saw Isak’s friends rushing out to meet Elias and the guys, but he didn’t pay attention; Isak’s bloodied face and pained noises gave him a distraction.

“Shh,” He tried to soothe Isak, helping him to the bench and gently touching his cheek. Isak hissed in pain, flinching away. “Fuck, that looks bad.” Even glanced back at the throng of people and he felt sick when he saw Mahdi and Elias struggling back and forth, Jonas shoving Adam and landing hits where he could. It felt unreal, like a sick nightmare he’d wake up from any minute now. His past and his present meeting in the worst possible way. 

He turned his attention back on Isak. He couldn’t think about it right now. He had to take care of Isak, or else the guilt swarming in his mind would overtake him.

“Where does it hurt?” His nose; his eye; his upper cheek. “Are you dizzy?” No; yes; it hurts, Ev. “We’ll get you to the emergency room. It’ll be okay, baby.”

The yelling increased in volume - Sana’s voice was there now, when did she get out here? - and then fell. He heard Isak’s friends approach, heard Mahdi ask if Isak was okay. 

“We have to go to the emergency room.” Sana’s hand was on Isak’s cheek, but Even wouldn’t let himself focus on anything else right now. “Are you coming?”

They were; of course they were. They weren’t leaving their friend behind.

\--

The tram ride was tense and quiet. The boys formed a protective shield around Isak, all buzzing with leftover adrenaline. Even sat at his side, rubbing his back in soothing circles and whispering comforts. Isak curled into his side and was silent except for occasional hisses of pain when he moved his face wrong and disturbed the blossoming injuries on his face.

(Even remembered for a moment the tram ride they shared so many months ago. The awkward conversation, shying away from each other, compared to how Isak’s hand was now clasped in his, his face curled into Even’s neck. Things were so much better now. And yet, they were also so much worse.)

It didn’t take long for them to get to the hospital and they sat in the waiting room for next to no time before a nurse was leading Isak away to get checked out.

Even sat hunched over, his knee bouncing a mile a minute. He could feel Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi’s eyes on him, could feel their silent questions, but he didn’t look up. It was getting hard to keep down the guilt and anxiety threatening to burst out of his chest. 

Isak was brought out not too long after he was brought in. He had a concussion - a mild one - but none of the injuries were serious. He’d have a black eye and should probably not go to school this week, here’s a note to send the principal, and here’s some pain medication, he’ll be sure to have a headache so avoid bright lights and ice it, and are you sure you boys don’t want to press charges?

No; they were sure; thank you for your help.

\--

The boys stuck with them on their way home. Even’s not sure how it happened, but before he knew it, he was sitting on his bed and passing Isak an ice pack, and his apartment was occupied by three more people than usual. 

Isak took the ice pack with a mumbled ‘thank you’ and pressed it to his eye. The hospital had cleaned up the bloody parts, but the swelling was quickly becoming obvious. He looked at him, one visible green eye sharp with worry.

“Who were those guys?” Mahdi spoke up from the table.

“That was Mikael, right? From Bakka?” Isak added. Even’s breath hitched and he looked down at his lap, nodding softly. “Even, what happened with you guys?”

Even was silent. He wasn’t sure how to start.

“We can leave, you know.” Magnus piped up. His voice had the oddly caring tone it took on when the situations required him to actually be serious. If he were feeling better, Even would smile. The others might tease him, but Even was really glad Isak was friends with Magnus. He was a good person. “In case you don’t want to say it in front of us. We’d understand.” 

Jonas and Mahdi murmured their agreement. 

“Or… if now isn’t the right time, it’s okay.” Isak reached over and squeezed his hand. That felt wrong; Isak was the one with the black eye and concussion; Even should be comforting him, not the other way around. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Even let out a long breath. No. It was now or never.

“I’ve… known these guys for a long time. Ever since we were kids, really. Elias-” Even looked up at Isak for a moment. “-the one who hit you, he’s Sana’s brother.”

“Asshole.” Mahdi suggested and Even laughed dryly.

“No, he’s a great guy actually. They all are. They’re really good people. He probably only hit you because he saw you push Mikael.” Even fell silent again, trying to figure out how to word the next part. Everyone else was silent, waiting until he was ready. Isak squeezed his hand gently. “I… I wasn’t diagnosed until last spring. They thought maybe I had ADHD or depression before then. I hadn’t had a really big episode until last year.

“I…” Even licked his lips and took a deep breath before continuing. “I did a lot of really out there stuff. It was just snowballing and I didn’t know what was going on. I’d… I’d been questioning my sexuality a lot. No one knew, but it was at the front of my mind all the time. And Mikael-” He smiled weakly. “Mikael was my best friend. He was funny and smart and handsome and I-” He could feel Isak tense beside him. “I kissed him.”

He closed his eyes tightly as memories of the panic in Mikael’s face, of how he’d shoved him off of him and asked him what the fuck he was doing flashed through his mind.

“That was a really bad idea.” To say the least. “He got upset with me- not angry, but freaked out. It kind of came out of nowhere.” He picked at a loose thread in his jeans, unable to look up at everyone in the room. “Mikael is Muslim, so to my manic mind, that’s why he was pushing me away. I- I got a Quran and began memorizing everything I could.” Isak’s fingers threaded through his own and gave him the courage to keep going. “I found all the parts about being gay and how, because I liked men, I would be going to Hell.”  
Isak scooted a tiny bit closer to him, putting Even’s hand between both of his own.

“I posted them everywhere. All over my Facebook, all over the revue wall, all over Instagram. Normally when I’m manic, it’s a lot of intense happiness. This time, it was the worst despair I’d ever felt. And when I crashed, it was even worse. When I was depressed, I tried to-” The words stuck in his throat. “...They diagnosed me with bipolar 1 disorder at the hospital. I dropped out of Bakka. I haven’t talked to the guys since.”

The room was silent. He could hear cars outside and the gentle hum of the building’s air unit. And then Isak pulled him closer, wrapping him into his arms. Even folded against his chest, feeling like he’d just performed some great exertion, and he felt Isak kiss the top of his head. 

“Thank you for telling me.” Isak whispered into his hair. Even curled his fingers into his flannel. He smelled like sweat and beer and blood and his deodorant and the soap Even picked out because Isak doesn’t know how to shop for that kind of thing. It was comforting.

“...I need to talk to them.” He said after several minutes of silence. Isak’s fingers were combing through his hair.

“Yeah? Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He was sure. Things were bad that night, but they were better than they were a year before. _He_ was better than he was a year before. He was in the arms of his boyfriend, in the apartment they shared, surrounded by fiercely loyal friends who hadn’t even known him half a year but still treated him like a brother. Things were better.

And it was time to talk to the boys.

**Author's Note:**

> I like to think that [Talk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11695539) follows this soon after


End file.
